Two is Better Than One

The time Ryan and I spend apart is an eternity, but when we are together again, it feels like we were never apart in the first place. We just fall into that same routine again with each other. I have never had a relationship feel so easy and perfect. Most of the time when we are together, we don't even have to say anything. We just know.

I just feel so comfortable, so complete, and so content.

The biggest hurdle that Ryan and I have had to try and tackle together, besides distance, is his daughter. I was trying to tell him before I first met her that she will have a 12 year old mentality about it. He really didn't want to believe me, but I was right.

The first time, the biggest issue she had was me leaving. I can understand that. I wish there was something I could have done before I left...well I wish I didn't have to leave in the first place.

Now, it's a jealousy. Sharing daddy. She has been daddy's number 1 girl for several years, and now she's having to share his time, attention, and affection with someone else. Someone she hardly knows.

I'm really trying hard to keep the opinions and attitude of a 12 year old interfere with my relationship with Ryan, but it is extremely hard. I usually care about opinions most people have about me like I care about a speck of dirt on the ground. There are opinions that matter...your boss, your family, your closest friends, your lover...and that's about the extent of opinions I care about.

I think I'm trying to figure out of her opinion of me should matter to me. I go back and forth on it. Sometimes I feel real inadequate, targeted, and hurt. Other times I feel irritated about it. I'm trying to figure out which one, if either, is correct.

Last night after dinner at Waffle House, I was sitting in Ryan's computer room. My laptop is on the coffee table and my back is really not enjoying sitting on the floor. She came in and told me she was really sorry for how she was acting and how she isn't meaning to. I thought this was really sweet and it made my chest swell a little bit. At the same time, I'm expecting the same pessimism that she's been displaying to return and subside in waves.

I was 12 once. I know the way the 12 year old female brain works. I also know that it will get worse. I am sure that when Ryan picks her up and moves her to California, we will see a lot of what we're seeing now, plus some. Being pulled away from everything she knows and is comfortable with. California will be like a different country to her, and she will have some serious culture shock. I am seeing some acting out in her future as well. California is good for that.

Life isn't always roses, rainbows, butterflies, and kittens. It does make it easier to deal with things like this though.