Gamers

**The following was written Feb. 8 1pm Central at the Nashville International Airport**

Most people know that Ryan and I met playing Perfect World International, a MMORPG. During my visit to North Carolina and Tennessee this trip, we kept making fun of each other's physical personality traits in comparison to our in game personalites. For example, Ryan's character is a Barbarian. Big, strong, and a protector. My character is a Cleric. The healer. As I spent time thinking about our characters personalities, we really do share the same traits in the physical realm. One big thing I've noticed is how much stronger than me he is. I really have never experienced anything like it. I'm not weak or dainty by any means, well, for a girl. But he can overpower me with one finger.

He also has mentioned how well I can help him control his temper and relax him. That sounds like a cleric, doesn't it? There are other aspects as well, but that would end up being an entire book on personality traits and why gamers choose the classes they do.

I never really noticed the comparison in my own personality to my gaming persona. Until this week that is. Seeing what effect I have on Ryan without even trying. He really is the tank and I really am the healer. It is just something that baffles me.

Spending time with Ryan was absolutely amazing this week. Now, we're apart for 2 days. The longest 2 days. Time really is relative.

But being away from him makes me wonder if this is really real. It feels so perfect when I'm with him, it can't possibly be reality, can it? Being around him in just the daily routine...it feels like I fell asleep for a very long, realistic, and very cruel dream. I wake up when he is not near me, and my heart is in a million pieces. Trying to remember every single second of the time we spent together, and just like a dream, the memories slowly fade. Details become fuzzy and I cannot paint the picture of his face close to mine. I cannot feel his fingers touching my skin. I cannot hear his voice or his whisper in my ear.

Sometimes I see someone, hear something, or smell something...and I have to stop. Everything around me moves in slow motion and disappears. I look around frantically trying to find him. The realization sets in that he really isn't near me, and I'm standing still with my heart racing amongst a giant crowd. Catching my breath and wiping away a tear, I continue on. Trying to push out the pain.

I'm sitting here in the Nashville airport, cursing them for charging for WiFi, and typing in WordPad. There were so many things I needed to get out. There's more, but this crazy power sucking laptop won't be able to stay alive long enough for me to type everything.