Distance

I am so happy with my relationship with Ryan, but at the same time I am extremely unhappy. There are things that regular couples take for granted. Sharing the little things in life. Cuddling watching a movie, giggling over a random fact, staring into each others eyes...you get the picture.

Sure, technology has advanced enough that we can talk like we're sitting next to each other. Ventrilo, Windows Live, webcams, telephones, email, text messages. The one thing technology cannot do is allow us to touch. That is one of the biggest tortures that I am having a hard time dealing with. I can see and hear Ryan at the same time, but I cannot reach out and put my hand on his face.

There are times in life when you just need someone next to you. Sharing your pain, comforting you when you're down, holding you when you've had a bad day.

I am trying really hard to let the technology be enough.

Being with Ryan, I fall into a routine. It's such an easy routine. We just fit together like pieces in a puzzle. I think thats one of the main reasons it was so hard to leave. Getting into that routine, and then being shoved back into a routine without him at my side.

I've had some feedback from people that are halfway close to me that Ryan and I are moving too fast. How can you move fast with 2,000 miles between each other?! It might be that I'm not really going into details of our relationship too much...I'm not sure. I really do not want to hear opinions on my relationship, or the speed that it is moving rather. Therefore, I do not go into extreme details on feelings. People tend to have this word rebound stuck in their head. I had my rebound, a couple of them actually, but that's history. I know what I want, I know what I need.

I told Jeremy before he left that all I wanted was the person I'm with to be able to love and cherish me. I realized at this point those are the basics. And I realized after spending so much time with Ryan that I never really had that kind of devotion.

I didn't realize before this that I really haven't wanted to give that kind devotion either.