Envy

I watch couples walking together, holding hands, arms around each other...they really don't know how lucky they have it.

I've never actually been in a long distance relationship before. Although Ryan is probably the best thing that ever happened to me, I would rather be shot in the foot then to be going through this. Both feet, actually.

How is it that I became so attached to someone with a relationship that is based on text messages, phone conversations/ventrilo, and Windows Live web cam sessions? I guess it shows that our relationship really isn't based on the physical, right? I mean we've only really been in each others presence for 4 days.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just fooling myself. Call me a pessimist, but I have never heard any positive outcomes with long distance relationships. Maybe the distance is a good thing...maybe it's a character builder? Maybe it will ensure that our relationship is built on the right foundations. But will the lack of physical touch less than once a month ruin it? If it's not dealt with in the most precarious manner, this could backfire so hard and so bad.

I'm really trying to stay positive about it all. But there are days, when seeing other couples together, and knowing that I would have to have 2,000 mile long arms in order to touch Ryan, it just gets to me. It really, really, really gets to me.

I have to wonder...did I set myself up to fail again? Did I just open myself up completely to another heartbreak? I'll tell you, I really can't take much more heartbreak in my life.