Casualties

Ryan has a daughter.

I'm actually rather nervous about this element in our relationship. More nervous than I really let on. I'm really nervous about her age. Being on the verge of a teenager, I already can feel a struggle. That, and I'm not even old enough to be her mother (Unless I decided to be really promiscuous when I was 12!). She is a lot like me when I was 12...and that's scary in itself. Because of what I became as a teenager, how little regard or respect I had for people around me (my parents included).

I try and think of what I would have felt when I was that age if my parents weren't together, hadn't been together for a long time, and all of a sudden a stranger was injected into my life. Personally, I would probably have raged. I would have revolted and made lives around me a living hell. I would be angry at the fact that I had to share a parent that I'm not used to sharing. Sharing my parent with a stranger no less. And being asked to respect this person? No way.

I've always wanted to be a mother. But starting out with a teenage daughter is really not the most ideal way to begin that process. I can already feel the frustration, and I haven't even met her yet.

I'm trying to remain positive about the situation, and I'm sure a lot of my worries are unfounded....slightly. I meet her in a week and a couple of days. Hopefully, she and I will get a long like old friends. She already has a lot of my same interests...horses, Twilight (GO TEAM EDWARD!)...

My biggest fear is that for some reason she strongly dislikes me and tries her hardest to make my life hell...I don't know if I can take it. And, I don't know how much Ryan will be able to take. She is his daughter, and will take priority.

Silly insecurities, right?